Let's Have a Cookie

self-sculpture

2009-05-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

He who carves himself to suit others will soon whittle himself away. I like this quote and want to remember it for future reference. I picture myself one day having a heart to heart with one of my children and using this quote (if I can remember it). I think we are all guilty of having done this from time to time in our lives.

5 (okay, 6) Things I Loved When I was a Kid...

2009-05-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

1. Charlie's Angels-Who didn't?? Kelly was my favorite (Jaqueline Smith), but now she's peddling ugly duds at the big K.
2. Freakies-More fun to collect the figurines thatn to eat the cereal. They seem to have a cult following, but where are they now? Snorkledorff was my favorite.
3. My roller skates with the big orange wheels-I also enjoyed making out with my fellow 4th graders (and maybe a few 6th graders) at the Jamison Roller Rink!
4. Magnum P.I.-Always wanted to be an investigator like Magnum or the Angels!! (mmm. mmm. mmmm.!!!)
5. Diaper shorts-and I swear this was the exact pattern my mom used to make me, like, ten pairs of them in all different colors. They wrapped around from the back and tied in the front. When I ran, you could see my butt cheeks (but this wasn't uncommon of most shorts in the 70's).
6. The Rolling Stones- I though maybe I'd marry Mick Jagger one day, although he grosses me out now. I never realized that someday I'd be too old for him.

riding the camel

2009-03-27T07:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, I said I wouldn't go there, but here I am-going there...
Sex when your pregnant is a real bummer. For both parties involved. The woman (who is generally the pregnant one) can't really let go of her inhibitions, for there is a stream of inner monologue going on that sounds like this, "ouch, I can't breathe, oh my heartburn is killing me, i think you're poking the baby in the head, did you know I've already gained 20 pounds? why aren't you looking at me? do you think we should name him Ozzy? I wonder what the weather will be like today, can you feel anything? I can't feel anything, do I look fat, etc..." i can only imagine his inner monologue. "God, you're fat, can you feel anything? I can't feel anything, etc..." Why do people always say that their pregnant wives are totally horny? I'd describe it more as totally sleepy, or totally hungry, or even totally achy, but not horny. And then there's our 2 yr. with her telepathic sex sense who calls "mama" from the next room the minute I get my panties off. And then I try to talk her through it, mid-coitus, which is a huge turn on. "Oh yeah baby, mommy will be right there, do it, harder, you're a big girl, you don't need that binky, faster, it's on your nightstand right next to your appy juice, mommy's coming, no I was talking to her, etc. Anyway, only a few more months and then there's the joy of the post-pregnancy sex (ouch it feels like knives poking me, etc)...

2009-03-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

Long time, no see!

2009-03-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while! So much has changed. i feel like I'm about to pop-I found out last Monday that my new baby will be a boy, so my family has been blessed with one of each. My husband is so happy, and me too!! I feel like I couldn't ask for anything more. I also think we found the house of our dreams, but now it just comes down to whether or not the owners will accept our offer. I'm almost done with my night classes, and will soon have a master's in Instructional Technology. Stuff that sounds so boring on paper (to anyone reading this), but for me is sooo exciting!! I probably won't have much time to blog this next year, but I don't want to "shut 'er down" completely. I just think that maybe once a month, I'll try to muster up something to say that's beyond the whole poopy diapers/can't find time for sex/what to make for dinner-thing. I just have to remind myself that I used to be rock-n-roll. I used to have a crazy exciting life that involved all sorts of travel and partying, and this is just a new chapter. I don't regret giving up any of it-although i do sometimes really f@#&ing miss all of it. I saw some of the members of my old band the other day and realized that we're all grown up now. They're all starting their own families, too, so there's really wouldn't be anything to go back to even if i wanted to. I used to NEVER want to be an adult, but here I am, facing the inevitable, and finding out that it's way cooler than I ever could have imagined :)

Never again Will You Hear me Complain About Work!

2008-04-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was like "meh, meh, meh. Work sucks, yada yada yada." After seeing this, I realized that I have NOTHING to whine about.

Gumboots

2008-04-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

I'm pissed, so I'm just going to use this blog to complain today. HI, I'm the lady who stepped in hot melted gum in the grocery store parking lot this morning. It instantly affixed itself to my brand new kicks, and then worked its way up my pantleg and onto my daughter's skort. Then it followed us into the car, where it embedded itself into the floormats, carpet and upholstery, while simultaneously decorating the outside of my drivers side car door. If I could find the shit stain who spat out this huge wad of gum onto the ground for innocent creatures to choke on and my sorry ass to step in, I'd "split their wig (DC, 2008)" That said, if littering sucks, then littering chewing gum (especially when it's hot outside) sucks to the power of infinity!!

mid life crisis

2008-04-08T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm so psyched. This may sound weird, but my husband is having a mid life crisis and one aspect of it makes me want to sing. I should probably clarify, he's actually been having a midlife crisis for about 20 years now (he's about to turn 40), but this year is special. He's going to buy a 1968 convertible GTO (Tempest, actually). before we got married, I told him that all I wanted out of life was a house where we could shoot at tin cans in our backyard without injuring any neighbors, and a hillbilly muscle car. Now both of my dreams will have come true. Provided, that is, that he lets me drive it on occasion. I think he will, but I'm doubtful that he'll let me put a car seat in the back for the baby, so I may have to get a sitter if I want to cruise.

Writing

2008-03-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

I'm working on writing a selkie tale (if anyone is familiar). I've always wanted to write a book-this one will be for a teen audience, and so I've begun to set aside a half hour each day to work on it. I guess it's decreased my appetite for blogging (not reading-just writing). So I'm thinking of sharing an exerpt from my story if anyone's interested. It's about a teacher who is having marital problems and heads on a vacation with her husband to try and work things out. Her husband is a total douchebag, however, and seems to enjoy the maital discord (which is evident in his antagonistic, sometimes cruel, behaviors). The two, however, share a common passion for fishing, and on several of their trips to the sea, a bold new "player" is introduced to the couple...
I'd more than welcome any feedback!

"Several lazy minutes later, I felt it again, but this time I would control my impulse to whip around and startle it. I peeked out of one eye and slowly tilted my head toward my stalker. There it was again-that coconut-thing, or whatever it was had returned. I let my other eye bounce open and realized that the coconut had whiskers and big, brown eyes, and…bloop…before I could alert anyone it had vanished. A baby seal was following us, playing hide-and-seek. He looked like a little shiny, wet puppy, and each time he popped up for a visit, he raised the nerve to stay a little longer than the last. If I had stayed in Maine any longer, surely he would have been the reason!! I wondered if seals make good pets, and returned my gaze to the hypnotic sight of sun on water and contemplated what it would be like to live in Maine. Summers were beautiful, but too short for my taste. Winter was long and much more harsh than in Pennsylvania. Sometimes a snowfall could land as much as 40 inches, and since I don’t really ski or snowboard, I decided that Maine was a great place to visit, but not somewhere I’d want to call home..."

Trapped inside my purple mind

2008-03-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

The paisley oilslick on my garage floor
Points the way toward Huxley's door
I trip, i fall, I'm left behind
Trapped inside my purple mind
Purple mind

A lime green gelatin cadillac
with a marshmallow luggage rack
Allen Ginsburg is chanting in the back
Furthering towards Jack Kerouac
Purple mind

A purple mind
is such a terrible thing to taste
and to lose one's purple mind
would be such a purple waste (It's, like, weird, man!)

Lysergic, throbbing jellyfish
will grant your every Owsley wish
look at your soul on the petrie dish
come and partake of the electric knish
Purple mind

gratitude part III

2008-03-04T06:26:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for having grown up with pets. Maybe I'm just trying to counteract a previous post with this one, but it's real-I truly feel gratitude toward the unconditional love and support shown to me by every pet I've ever had! I saw a bumper sticker that I loved one day, and so I'll share it: It said, "I hope to always be the person my dog thinks I am." Pets can be so therapeutic, and they even demonstrate to us what's important in life. Of course we all need the basics, such as food and water, but all pets want, after those needs are met, is love and affection. And they give it endlessly to their owners. Pets always forgive us when we are too tired or busy to give them attention. Each day when we return home, who is the first face we see anxiously awaiting our return? Our pet's. I hope to always have a family pet, and to always have enough energy to really appreciate that pet and make his life special! Don't worry, I won't bring him to your house when I visit, but you may have to put up with him when you come to visit me.

Leave your dog at home!

2008-03-03T11:19:00.000-08:00

Let me just begin by stating that I LOVE DOGS!! I've always been a dog person-we've had a dog ever since I can remember. First it was Twiggy, then Peppie, after that was Madge, then Archie. Again, I'll repeat I LOVE DOGS! However, if I invite you to my house for any reason, be it dinner, a playdate with your child and my daughter, or whatever, recognize that I am not extending said invitation to your dog. Lately, for some reason, everyone wants to bring their dogs over. My father in law came for dinner one night and his uninvited poodle gnawed the plug off of the chord on our television. There has been no mention of helping to fix or replace the damage. Other friends of ours brought their dog to our annual Christmastime 7-fish dinner. The dog ate a whole stick of butter and got sick everywhere. Yesterday, a girlfriend came over, didn't knock before entering my house and sent her border collie in first who tore throught the downstairs with paws resembling mudboots. My carpet is new. Hello? I have 2 cats. This is their home. Your dog is trying to eat my cats. If you'd asked me about bringing your dog, I'd have said NO, but you never even gave me the chance. It's totally rude and I can't believe anyone wouldn't ask first. And then when your dog is here (uninvited), you proceed to not watch him at all while he rummages through my trashcan, tearing up poopy diapers and maxi pads, and then after it's happened, you stand and watch me while I clean up the mess. Pardon me for saying this, but YOU SUCK (and let me just remind you that I still do and always will LOVE DOGS-even yours, still; I'm just not loving you so much right now, and until you get your damn dog out of my house and back to your house, where he belongs, I will contine to feel the same!!

first crushes

2008-02-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

Does anyone remember what dating in elementary school looked like? I was just revisiting it in my head and had a good chuckle. We used to make "lists" in order from cutest to least acceptable of the boys we'd be interested in. My top 3 used to take turns in the #1 spot. I think they were Donald Esch, Tommy Martin, and John Hughes. On weekends we'd all meet up at the local roller rink, and if you were lucky, #3 or #2 might ask you to join him during the couple's skate. The two of you would circle the rink a few times until Journey stopped playing, then wipe the sweat from your palms onto your Gloria Vanderbilts and head back to your girlfriends for the full report. Sometimes, at a birthday party, there'd be making out in the closet, or games of spin the bottle. Those feelings of heart racing, rapid speech, utter joy cannot be duplicated. I love thinking about old times!!!

gratitude :part II

2008-02-27T06:54:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for having had a sibling. My brother is six years older than me, and of course there were times when we didn't get along, but growing up would not have been the same without him. He paved the way for me in this sometimes scary world. There was no one else to give me a heads up on how things would be, either at school, in the neighborhood, at home...When my parents argued, he would be the one to turn to. He made me feel safe and secure, and he was always proud of me beyond what I'd earned. We entertained each other and shared private jokes, like when he'd fart, and my parents had company, he'd say "quick, help me sniff it up so they won't notice." (I guess you had to be there). There were times when he was my best friend, and believe me, I was highly annoying (especially when I was 6 or 7 and he was just entering junior high). He always let me tag along, despite my irritating qualities, and he protected me from any outside influences that seemed threatening. All of my memories include him, from trick-or-treating to wrapping easter eggs at Mr. Taylor's. I remember when I started junior high, and he was just leaving for college, how sad I was to see him go. Now we're grown and have children of our own and I'm so proud of him and how he's made it through all of life's struggles without letting the bad things get him down. I hope he will always know how much i love him and his family, and I hope and pray that each of our children can have siblings of their own, so that they may experience all of the love, joy and security with which we've been blessed!!

gratitude: part 1

2008-02-26T06:26:00.000-08:00

Since I've been so busy lately, and I feel too drained to come up with any creative topics for thought, I decided to go with theme and make this into a gratitude journal. I figured, since I've never had a huge audience anyway, that no one would really mind (or even notice for that matter). So here's the first of many things that I am thankful for...
I'm thankful for having grown up in a neighborhood. Neighborhood's may not look so great from the outside, with all of their cookie-cutter similarities, and such, but there's a whole family dynamic complete with pecking order and built in life lessons to boot when you grow up in one of them. Neighborhoods motivate people to improve themselves, as there is always an underlying sense of healthy competition. Sometimes it is negatively referred to as "keeping up with the Jones'," but I'm not so sure it's always a bad thing (unless of course it becomes totally materialistic and ridiculous). Also, there is a sense of community, family helping each other and belonging. If you're in the midst of baking a Lindsor Torte (I don't even know what the hell that is), and you run out of flour (not even sure that's an ingredient), you send your 8 year old next door with a measuring cup and some puppy dog eyes, and sure enough, they come back with whatever you need. It's great! When you grow up in a neighborhood, it's like having 20 families instead of just one. Everyone is always looking out for you. If you miss the bus and your parents aren't around, Mrs. Emerich or Mrs. Ives will surely give you a lift to school, and all of your best friends are just a stone's throw away. Your parents don't have to use gas or finish what they're doing to take you somewhere, you just walk or get on your bike and pedal your butt there. I love neighborhoods!! So what if they're eyesores lacking in the rustic charm of an old stone farmhouse. They've got heart, and they've got love, and I am so thankful for having grown up in one!!

Middle of the Road

2008-02-07T06:21:00.000-08:00

Right now, I'm working on temperance. It's been said that "everything in moderation" is the key to success. I'm not sure that's entirely true, for sometimes it takes a lot of work to succeed, and there are times when "overdoing it" is what's required. Anyhow, for my purposes at this time, I'm trying to limit some of my daily pleasures to see if this works. In some areas, yes, in others no. What do I mean by that?? Well, I think that some of the best times I've ever had in my life have occurred while "overdoing it!" I find a certain dullness in temperance, rather than the suggested state of peace. I agree with the idea of balance, but what if, to me balance means totally overdoing it for a night or two, and then resting for a bit? I'm balancing one with the other, right? For instance, when I read a book, I read the whole thing at once, voraciously, not wanting to put it down until I've finished. Then, perhaps, I won't read another for several months. Is that bad? Should I just read a little bit every day, always, without taking a hiatus? Okay-bad example. What if I'm overly health conscious regarding what I eat, and then one day each week, I eat 20 hot wings with 3 or 4 bloody marys. Or should I have one hot wing each day? I'm trying to find the value in temperance, and I'm just not getting it??! It feels more like deprivation to me than doing things my way.

Unconditionally Yours

2008-01-08T06:13:00.000-08:00

Unconditional love! Isn't that what we all want?? I'm not exactly sure yet what I'd like to say about it, but I know that this is my topic for the day. Suppose you have a friend who is a totally annoying drunk, but otherwise a good person, or maybe your kid sister steals from you head stash when you're not around, or your father-in-law talks about you and everyone else behind their backs (or whatever). You still have to be civil towards them for "political" reasons, but secretly, you wouldn't mind if they moved to another state. Is there a way you can uncover the meaning of unconditional love with these folks, and if so, what's the difference between being a doormat and accepting people for who they are? Goethe once said, "If I accept you as you are, I will only make you worse, but if I treat you as the person you are capable of becoming, you can become that person." I'm still unsure of how I feel about this quote. How do I know what you are capable of becoming? Although I do like the notion of a self-actualization revival. What about the guy who thinks that, at his best, he can be the biggest stud and bang the most women-certainly his idea of achievement is different than mine, so who is correct? Afterall, it's his life, right? I think to myself, through some miseducation or life-trauma, he's adopted poor values, but who am I to judge (as long as I'm not one of those women). But what if I am? Can I find a way to love him unconditionally? Hmmmm. Maybe or maybe not. I'm still working on this one. What if loving someone unconditionally means you have to let go of them or cut them out of your life because of the effect their behavior has on you. Is that love? I'm confused, and writing about this brings no clarity. All I know is that unconditional love is the answer to the question-the one we've all asked in one way or another. Now, with that said, how do we get there??

What a difference a day makes

2007-11-30T08:23:00.000-08:00

Sheesh! Yesterday I was having a meltdown-I swear something's wrong with me. My dad came home late from raking leaves at his rental unit, so I (naturally??) assumed that he's had a heart attack or been hit by a car and was dead (which he wasn't). Then my husband lost his wedding ring (which has always been just a hair too big), so I was sure he was leaving me for another woman, and my daughter (who had a little patch of excema on her arm), prior to her doctor's visit had contracted some flesh eating virus, I was sure. No doubt, today this all sounds ridiculous, and it is, but YESTERDAY, it was a whole different story. I must've cried from 9:15 am-4pm (on and off) about 10 different, equally ludicrous ideas. So I ask you all: What the hell is wrong with me?? When I was little, and my parents would leave us with a babysitter, I would lie awake in bed concocting totally unrealistic thoughts of all the horrible things that might have happened to them. I'm not like this every day (Halleleuiah), or even on most days, but when it hits, I can't do anything to stop it. Any suggestions? (Would you be surprised if I told you it happens about once each month?)

cash only

2007-11-27T06:54:00.000-08:00

I'm so surprised that, in this age of technology, 3 stores I visited yesterday had signs (either at the register or on the front door) reading "cash only." C'mon, man, it's the holidays, and you expect me to have cash?? I live by my debit card, and shamefully so, sometimes my credit card. The first store I visited (Marshall's-don't know if they have them in the rest of the country), had the best items for gifts. I had found stuff for my brother, my husband, my father... "SCORE" I thought to myself as I headed to the register. Then I saw the sign. Damn! I just wasted my whole lunch break. Next (of all places) the post office said their system was down because of the weather-no biggie, I'll wait until tomorrow, but the THIRD place (ugh) was the liquor store. At least that sign was hanging on the door, so I didn't waste any more time. What about the poor drunks? What about me? I need a bottle of wine ('cause Maude was over last night and she cleaned us out). Hopefully today will be different!

razors and bullshit

2007-11-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

Well delirium is finally setting in. Things are not so great these days, and last night, to make matters worse, my baby decided her gassy tummy hurt to badly to allow her to sleep. Therefore, I was not able to sleep. My husband is not being so nice, either, which hurts, and since it's unprofessional to cry while teaching, I've been doing it in between classes and swallowing back the tears when each next group of students arrives. I don't really want to write any more about the marriage situation because I'm afraid that someone who knows us will read it, but I will say that I am not happy with the person he's becoming (or perhaps has always been). I don't think he's being honest with me or himself or anyone. But we have a daughter who deserves to have a good life, and I will remain committed to seeing that happen!
On a lighter note, I had something really strange happen yesterday. Yes, I'm embarrassed to say, I have a cleaning service. Since I've returned to work after having Bella, I can't seem to find the time to clean, so I broke down and hired someone. Anyway, they've only come twice so far, and maybe this is some customary tradition of which I am unaware, but they keep stealing our razors. I can't decide whether to call the Cleaning Authority and complain, or just buy them some razors (maybe they're not getting paid enough to buy their own)? I'm not talking about the disposable kind of razor-these were the metal kind with refill cartridges). Last week, I found them amongst the ladies' personal belongings and retrieved them. This week-when I noticed they were gone again-I asked them "do you know where our razors are?" They used the language barrier to their advantage and feigned ignorance. Then I went on to explain how I found them last week and took them back, and they looked at each other, smiled and shrugged. I looked through all of the trash bags to see if maybe they were thrown out, but they were nowhere. Can anyone make any sense of this??

stalker boss

2007-11-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

I'm scared! I made a dumbass mistake a few weeks ago, and now I'm totally paying for it (with interest). I am an itinerant teacher who works in several different buildings. For the most part, the school schedule is the same at each, but at the Juvenille Detention Center, sometimes it varies. On October 8th I had off for Columbus Day (or at least I thought I did-my students did, but apparently, I was supposed to be there). My husband and I took the baby and some friends to ride roller coasters at Great Adventure. We had the greatest time until we came home that night and listened to our messages. There were maybe 20 from my boss, all shrill, and scolding me for my unexcused absence. Needless to say, I was docked for pay when I received my next paycheck and reprimanded. Not a huge deal to me, because, like I said-there were no students there, so I wan't really letting anyone down, but now HERE'S the point I was getting at: My boss is stalking me. She thinks I'm a total slacker, as a result (which I absolutely am not), and she makes up these stupid, fake reasons to have to talk to me or pop in on my class. C'mon, lady; I know I fucked up, but will you give it up, already. Maybe you don't have enough work to keep you busy-how DO you find the time to follow me like this?? ENOUGH, I say! I wonder if she'll ever leave me alone. She's messing with independent Allison!

off the deep end

2007-11-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

I have this friend (we'll call her 'Maude' because I've NEVER met anyone under 80 with that name, except for a basset hound). I love her, and she's so much fun. Before I was married and a mommy, Sara, sorry, 'Maude' and I used to go to clubs to see bands, drink heavily, and have a great time. Anytime I was having a meltdown, Maude would always be there to help me get over my problems-she's a great friend. I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting old and boring, or if maybe she's going off the deep end, but she's so outta control, that I'm embarrassed sometimes to associate with her. It's not just the drinking. She has sex with everyone, she pops out her false tooth and yells at strangers, she yells at non-strangers, she breaks up marriages, she invites herself over and singlehandedly drinks all of our wine, then she falls asleep naked on our couch. She tried to have sex with my father in law. Sometimes we'll see her every day for 2 weeks, and then we won't hear from her for a month. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she thinks she's being hip or avante garde or something. I think she's watched too many episodes of "Sex in the City," which is a great show, but...
What do I do?? I guess, at least, she keeps things interesting.

Stingy recipe lady

2007-11-02T05:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this is like stream of conscoiusness-not related to anything, but I don't understand why this lady down the street (we'll call her "Ruth." Okay her name really IS Ruth) won't give me her pumpkin bread recipe. She claims it's some ancient family heirloom and she can't divulge the secret ingredients. I'm so pissed! Hoarding information of any kind is definitely not cool. Doesn't she know that none of us is free 'til all of us is free? I need that recipe, "Ruth," so hand it over, or else I might have to use force. It's not like you're making money off of the damn stuff (although you could). Pleeease! May I please have it??! If anyone else has a good recipe for pumpkin bread, maybe you could send it my way?

hopefully...

2007-10-30T06:44:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about two months. Sometimes I can be a little bit superstitious, and I find myself looking for signs or omens. This may sound silly, and I won't know for 3 or 4 more days, but we always planned to name our baby Noell if it was a boy (after Micah's step brother who was killed in the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center. That story will have to be a whole different post). Anyway, I just heard on the news that Tropical Storm Noell is blazing through the Bahamas as we speak. Maybe it's the omen I was looking for (or maybe not), but either way, I'm still hopeful!!! Wouldn't that be cool??It'd be like he rode in on a tropical storm cloud (okay-I do know that I'm a touch nutty-cakes).

Can't Harness the Power

2007-10-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

I have all these things I want to do with my life, and I'm totally capable of accomplishing them, but I just can' t seem to find the time or the energy to do them. I have all these children's books that I've started to write or illustrate that are only half finished. I have all sorts of other creative endeavors that I can't get off the ground, and my mother f*%#@!ing husband thinks I should be living my life for housecleaning and wiping his proverbial ass. Oh how I miss the days of singing with the band, painting pictures, going for long walks and visiting with friends. I'm like a prisoner in someone else's world and I can't seem to get my life back no matter how hard I try. What's a girl to do when she just can't harness the power?? It's there, I just can't access it or use it for the things I deem important. I love my family, but do I really have to give up myself? HELP!!